Ideas are always popping into my mind, in such a form that they would be perfect to insert into a blog. I just never get around to it. Not sure why, as I love to write. I would say that I will make a better effort at writing blogs on a regular basis, but I probably won't.
Perhaps if I start to carry some paper around with me, I think that might help. Just write down whatever comes to mind. Whenever. That should help. That way I won't forget. I'll try it.
School is over, and so is my career at USI. I am pretty indifferent to my experience there. It served a purpose, which was to wake me out of my plans that I didn't really want for myself.
I still think positively about my former goal of becoming a teacher. I almost wish that I could actually do it. I don't think I would have done a very good job though.
I think I just wanted to get paid to talk about things that I thought were important all day. I didn't think I could actually change anything by doing this.
This was part of my plan I devised when I thought I knew how the rest of my life would unfold.
When I didn't have an uncertain future. I had things I could count on, I had an easy path with no mystery. Nothing in my future was hinging on chance. It was based on love, and working around that love to accommodate our hopes and dreams.
As soon as that certainty and love faded, so did a lot of my plans for the future.
One day, about half way into my first college semester, I decided I didn't want to go to USI anymore. I didn't want to be a teacher anymore. I decided, after a few hours of browsing universities, that I would go to Indiana University. I had always wanted to go there anyway, I just hadn't mostly because I thought I was in love.
It amazes me when I think back, when I remember who I was and what I thought and believed just how wrong I was about everything.
I'm sure that will continue happening. Hell, I'm 19. I'm pretty sure anyone who reads this is young as well. None of us have any idea what we are talking about.
So, I decided to major in political science. And then I decided to major in philosophy. Not sure if I am going to law school, but I am most likely going to go to graduate school.
I am working out, trying to lose some weight before I move to Bloomington. I am doing this out of the same hope as usual. The great motivator of sex. That isn't the only reason, but that is the funniest to say right now.
I hope I can actually stick with it this time. I have failed every other time I have tried.
I hope I can actually stick with writing this time. I have also failed at that, though I did have a great streak going. However, I do look at some of the earliest posts on this blog and cringe. How quickly my thoughts evolve nowadays.
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4 comments:
Good to hear from you again!
I can't really relate so much to the evolving thoughts thing...not sure if it's a good or bad thing...but my views, relationships, feelings, life goals, etc, have remained completely unchanged for 3-4 years now. That's probably not real common though. Nearly everyone I know has either ended a relationship, transfered schools, or switched majors this year. Kinda makes one's head spin. Best of luck with everything though. I'll be praying for you.
Mark, are you my twin?
I have switched from history to political science...and I am taking my first philosophy course this semester, while exploring the subject as an option for a minor or a double major. Eerie!
I think your entries are usually hilarious, insightful, or both. Really. Plus, you tend to say a lot of things I would probably mangle or not say at all...but in a good way. Please keep writing.
I am currently staring at both my miniature bust of Beethoven and my bobblehead doll of Brian from Family Guy, both of which were given to me by my parents. I could have written about that, but it just struck me now, as I am writing this, and I am too lazy to re-write it in my correspondingly floundering blog.
I hope you find yourself, as all of us seem to struggle with this endeavour, and that you are successful in your quest, whatever that may be.
Matt- I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I couldn't say that I have completely changed my major or even my career intentions as I was first planning to be a history/government/economics teacher, and then switched to attorney(which is what I wanted to be before I wanted to be a teacher, and even as a ten year old), and now I am also considering being a professor sometime down the line.
So, yeah, not too much change. However, I really have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life.
Alex: Haha, wow I guess so. We also both became atheists at around the same time.
And I appreciate your feedback. I really enjoy writing, so I would probably do it even if I sucked. And, yeah, I enjoyed your blog as well. So, I'm hoping that I will see a new entry by you soon.
I totally understand what you are saying here, Mark. I have found in the last year that I have changed my desire to become an author to a full-fledged effort to become a director. I think that this is also inexorably linked to that evolution in writing and thinking.
I look back at everything I've ever written--essays, stories, blogs, what have you--with extreme disgust. I see how naive I was back then, and then I find myself finding ways to improve what I've written. It's shameful. The only way to keep that shame at bay is proving to myself that I can write...which I end up tearing apart a couple of months later. It's a vicious cycle. The Circle of Life or whatever.
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